Review A Bad Game Day

Many years ago I swore to myself that I was never going to touch this forsaken game again. In a previous blog post I spoke on my original hopes/kid-like innocent expectations and even my journey of sorts to obtain this "gem". Close to 20 years later and thanks to Nintendo Legend, and his brain child of "Review A Bad Game Day," I have once again braved the ugly pits of licensed game hell. Geeks, nerds, others…without further blah blah I give you…Muppet Adventure: Chaos at the Carnival

Looks safe enough right? Just another N.E.S game right? Wrong! Growing up as a huge Muppet fan, seeing this game (of all places) in my mothers boring Avon catalog nearly caused me to like Avon. Actually buying the game was my first major problem, fresh off buying me a very very overpriced at 74.99 (but worth it) Super Mario Bros 3, my parents were not going to get me this so soon after.(Avon catalogs run their course and some merchandise is "one time only" like this game) Faced with the task of raising 59.99 plus the crazy Avon tax I was unable to work out in my brain, I started to make unholy deals, take out IOU's, kiss family ass etc, few days before the last orders were being taken my $72 bucks plus change were being spent on this magical game.....which was IMHO my first crappy N.E.S purchase.

"Choose your torture"

Upon first fire up the game actually froze. I calmly took out the cart, blew into my N.E.S, put the cart back in, and was met with the publisher logo, title screen, and an option to choose a level. Wow non linear!, oh glory! Starting from this point on I will review the game on my present thoughts vs. the past as those memories beyond the title screen are too painful. Choice of what "Ride" to go on first is the game's early attempt to sucker you into a web of awful gameplay, design, sound, shaming of a great license, and pure mind numbing moments. Divided up into 5 levels, the game gives you, as I had mentioned, a choice of what level to start on (Minus the final level) which I can only guess the developers wanted you to think were full games on their own, for the sake of this review I will review each level on its own as I did brave the whole fucking game this time around. First time ever beating this, last time ever touching it.

"Stuck in stool..er log heaven"

River Ride AKA Kermit's game.
Someone who was involved with the game must have been a toobin fan, as this "game" is basically a very crappy attempt at toobin as best as I have ever been able to tell. While the gameplay attempts to be simple and to the point in terms of moving Kermit out of the way of obstacles in the river, the execution of this is HORRIBLE. Controls feels "floaty" at best, hit zone/detection is awful, plus hitting a log somehow pretty much almost ensures you'll hit another obstacle unless your timing is nanosecond accurate. Visually this game is pretty bland with almost no actual animation (just scrolling), color use is awful (though theme fitting) even for the N.E.S., and last but not least your ears will hate you the most in this game out of all the cart has to offer. Poor Kermit.

"That a cherry or a bomb?"

Car Course AKA Animal's game

Bumper cars, how can you honestly train wreck such a great concept of bumper cars and the best Muppet ever Animal?  First off we have "Physics" that pretty much feel more at home in a slipping on ice game, crappy hit detection (constant in this cart), and shitty collecting of flags to gain points/lives...shitty because they pretty much lead into more hits; yep all a formula to ruin the concept. Car Course has the worst control of the games, visually it's probably the most accurate of the bunch but that's not something to brag about. Musically we have basic chip tunage but the sfx are just ear wrecking. UGH

"Swollen Tip Space Folly"

Space Ride AKA Gonzo's game

......................Ok here is where I am honestly lost. Space Ride is probably the most "sound" game in the bunch. Visually it is nothing to write home about, musically it is just ok, and gameplay is the best on the cart, so why am I lost? It's a freaking Asteroids rip off! Sure, unlike Asteroids you can "move" (scroll) the screen and things do not break up into smaller chunks, but trust me if you play this you will tell the minute you shoot, rotate, and thrust that it's basically Asteroids -1. Space Ride is honestly the only so-so offering on the cart which is a sad thing since it shows that an established title's gameplay had to pretty much be surgically implanted plus changed up one notch to be able to create the only sanity on this cart. Gonzo…I love you.

"Fuck this game"

Amazing Maze AKA Fozzy's game

Mazes…ok I guess mazes have been in gaming as far back as Adventure or even further back, plus all the mazes have an ice cream treat-like theme, WTF? Fozzy is probably one my most loved Muppets so in the past I was super happy to try his game first. Presently, I was hopeful that maybe I was wrong about this game. Visuals alone can turn you crazy here; they have a really awful patterning to them, which makes me wish this game was as bland looking as the others. Game play? Where? Not in this game! It honestly feels like hit detection is pretty much plainly hit or miss at times, especially more annoying since you must collect a few thing to move on. Musically this only ranks behind the River Ride game because the music fits the game better. Boring Boring Boring! Rat in the hat is cool though very creepy.

Pic Lost In Laptop Wipe

Dr. Grump AKA The Cliche Castle Level

Honestly if this game was not a total abuser of the retro formula of remembering patterns/enemy placement it could easily be the best game on the cart. Logically four other things keep it from being the best offering: firstly the fact that you must unlock the "right" to play it, secondly the patterns you must remember are pretty much (again) to get past the crappy hit detection, thirdly the animation for Kermit in this game gives you the wrong impression on what you have to do in the game, and lastly at this point you really won't care for the fact that if the whole game was more of this but with some polish it may have actually been ok. Graphically the game shines best here in all aspects but again—too little too late, best offering on the cart bar none. Musically it's nothing special, and gameplay like previously stated is super past the abuse point of patterns. Also, how does throwing hearts at a final boss to defeat him make sense? I thought it was Dr. Grump not the cowardly lion. Fuck this game

1/10.... the 1 is for effort

Big Shout out to my pal Amy Steen for her help in making this effort easy to swallow for non retro people too plus for catching many issues I was unaware of!

See you next year!